Tuesday, 28 August 2012


Last Wednesday at approximately 2 o’clock, am or pm I can never remember which, I turned 26. That’s right the big 2-6 as is the saying. (That is definitely not the saying.) I woke at 7am, over excited, with slight morning breath – a little bit of Colgate dealt with that straight away – and ready for whatever Wednesday 22nd August 2012 would bring. I put on my best green floaty frock and off I went!

It started off with an audition, a brilliant beginning to a b-day as it meant I got to act on my day of birth and also got the chance to deliver my finest Irish accent- definitely a slight tinge of Leprechaun with a smattering of Graham Norton but I’m sure they looked over it… As I entered the room, I gave a big grin, shook the director’s hand, had a little chin-wag and then began to act. Irishly. 

Mid-speech, I decided to look down, bashfully, definitely doing a really effective dramatic pause and it was then that I clocked what I was wearing. Green. Bright Emerald Green. On a floaty dress with petal like detailing.

I had come as a shamrock.

I had walked into the room of an audition for an Irish play dressed as the national symbol for all that is Irish. I have never claimed to be subtle but if anyone wants a lesson in really low-key subliminal messaging then I AM YOUR GIRL.

Following the speech I then decided that to top it off it was probably best if I sang the Irish National Anthem, ‘C’est La Vie’ by Bewitched. So I did.

NOT. Or did I…? You decide.
It was then time to go and meet my father and brother for a lovely family lunch, hoorah! Now, to get to this family lunch I had to cross London Bridge. Luckily for me it decided not to fall down that day; however, it did decide to be windy. EXCESSIVELY windy some might say and in a floaty GREEN dress this was not good. In fact, the results were disastrous.

The wind (probably at gale force 50) whipped up my dress to around my ears and I was pinning it down with various objects and limbs trying to shield the oncoming stampede of business men from my flange when out of nowhere a solitary man appears in the hurricane.  A perve you might think. And you may be right. However, instead of the usual sleazy crap out of his mouth came a rap.


So I did. And London Bridge… YOU. ARE. WELCOME.

All in all a pretty amazing start to a birthday. Following the rap and the flash I went out, got ever so merry with my beautiful friends and woke up with a plethora of panda stickers on my face.  What more could a girl want?!

*whispers* A car… Dad… Get me a car… A yellow one… With furry dice… And a puppy in it…
Told you I was the Queen of the Subliminal.


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