PERSPECTIVO

This is how tragic my life has become: I have promised myself that if I write one FerryEgg post- i.e. this very one right here, right now- then I am permitted to watch tonight’s episode of X Factor. 

Somehow this saddening equation has neither disturbed my sense of perspective nor made much of an indentation on my social conscience. How is that ok?! Technically, I am bribing myself with watching a cheesy, potentially soul destroying show on the condition that I write approximately 450 words of verbal and mental diarrhea.

I definitely need to go and work in a soup kitchen for at least month to make this alright.

I guess we all need to get a bit of perspective from time to time; for example- and I know this has been complaint number one on all Facebook status’ (stati?) and that I’m jumping on the largest bandwagon in all this y’ere town…  But, seriously. The MASSIVE and sardine-esque queues for the new I-phone 5. 

IT IS A TELEPHONE PEOPLE. CHILL YOUR BEANS!

It will do exactly the same as every other blinking I-phone… Get its screen smashed and probably get stolen.

What I want to know is A) Does it have the text app? B) Does it have the call app? C) Does it have the time app? Because my Nokia 3310 has all of them. And snake. SO THERE.

Thus, in order to regain a moral equilibrium and to redress the imbalance in the force, (THAT’S RIGHT I AM QUOTING STARWARS AND I AM OK WITH THAT) I have decided to be extra specially good and nice (two really crap words to use in an English essay) to the people that I meet this week to make up for my pathetic mental bribery.

1.  I am going to GRIN at people on the tube.
2. I am not going to rush and knock into people.
3. I am going to hug people. (Not inappropriately. I know there is a time and a place… Sort of…)
4.  I am going to laugh at jokes I don’t find funny. 
5.  I am going to give food not money to homeless people.

WARNING: If you see me coming towards you slowly, arms open, teeth bared, cackling and possibly wielding a Pret baguette, please bear in mind that I am trying to do a good deed and let me on my way.

It is for the best. Believe me.